Wednesday, March 3, 2010


This is a rant.  Quite possibly a pregnancy migraine medicine induced rant, but a rant none the less.  So, if you are not looking for a rant today I suggest you move it along.

Everybody has a right to their opinion. Opinions are, in my mind, much different than what I have seen around the parenting/mommy blogger internet lately. Taking a parenting situation, assessing it for your own beliefs, moral compass, what has worked for you in the past and then adding in what your goal is and then applying a parenting philosophy is how I think most parents operate (or should operate).  This process helps you form an opinion of what works in YOUR life, helps you to make YOUR own choices.  I think from there you can give other people advise based on that experience or express your opinion in way that shows that you are mindful about the topic, you can help other parents find a path.  We all need help navigating this minefield called parenting. 

Here is where I have a problem.  When we, as emotional female creatures, take a situation or someone else's choices and add in our fear, uncertainty or own feelings of inadequacy to a parenting situation and then use that feeling start attacking other women.  Or worse, when we feel attacked by other parents choices.  This post here that elicited a response of working moms to feel attacked by a stay-at-home mom makes me nuts.  That post has no attack in it what so ever.  It is about one mom's choice. 

We as parents make choices everyday.  SAHM vs. Work, Vaccinate vs. Not Vaccinate, Circumcise vs. Not Circumcise, Attachment Parent vs. ?????, Co-sleep vs. Independent Sleep.  I could seriously go on forever.   How does my choice in any way invalidate your choice?  Did you make that choice based on the goal to raise responsible, respectful, contributing members of society?  Perfect.  Me too.  There are many different ways to reach the same goal and I will respect your path if you respect mine.

Many women have this one mommy emotion that they let run their lives...GUILT.  They let guilt make their parenting decisions.  "Oh, well I fell guilty for working so much so I let my kid have everything he/she wants, whines for, etc."  Seriously?  They then read a blog post about a mom and her choice to stay-home with her kids and they feel attacked.  If you feel so guilty about making the CHOICE to work that when a SAHM mom talks about her life you feel attacked you have a serious amount of reassessing to do in your own life.  Oh, and don't say that working is not a choice for you, because it is.

We as parents and moms need to start owning our decisions.  You choose a certain lifestyle, you choose to live where you live, you choose to support your husband who is in school.  Did you get the point?  You choose!

So, stop.  Just stop attacking other parents.  Most importantly stop feeling attacked by your own choices and taking that out on other parents.

That is all.   


Jenni March 3, 2010 at 9:23 AM  

I could not agree more. As mothers, we need stop judging each other and instead support each other. We make different choices for different reasons; some women choose to work; some choose to stay home; some have no real choice in the matter. Whatever - we are all parents and we all face struggles and difficult decisions and challenges every day. Better to support one another than tear one another down.

Anonymous,  March 4, 2010 at 12:57 PM  

I completely agree. I feel the same about people's choices in politics and religion. We all made the choice that's best for us. Period.

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